You hang up quickly, and your caller just as quickly moves on to the next number in the phone book with his "courtesy call".

It is NOT courteous at all. We all know that. We all hate these calls, and we all get them constantly.

The problem is that it is relatively cheap marketing. Every now and then, some sucker listens to, and then falls for, the marketing pitch, and a sale is made. It doesnt take very many to make up for all the rejections. One sucker in a thousand will do nicely. And there is no end of numbers to call.

HOW DO WE STOP THEM??

1. You could pay extra for an unlisted number. This will reduce the calls, but not stop them, since modern technology used computers to dial every possible combination of numbers, unlisted or not.

2. You could request them not to call you again. Fat chance they will heed such a request. Do you *really* think they are going to keep a list of numbers not to call and waste their time checking before dialing the next number? It *is* the law, after all. But, you have to prove that you informed the person making the call and take them to court in order to enforce the law, and the penalty is so slight if you win that it is meaningless.

3. You could buy a special answering device that requires a special code before ringing your phone. This will cost you money, and block calls from people you might need to hear from. Imagine someone calling your home in an emergency situation, only to be asked for a code before they could get through to you.

4. You could make a point of never answering your telephone until you hear who is calling using an answering machine with a call monitoring feature. That means you have to run to whereever the answering machine is to be able to hear who it is. And, it means you *are* disturbed by the call, even if you don't pick up the phone.

5. You could petition the Phone Company to block these calls. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! They make money on these calls. What do you think?

6. We could press for stronger legislation to make it illegal. Uhuh. The telemarketers have paid lobbyists to prevent that from happenning. Its big business for them, and they will protect their investment with whatever bribes (oops...."campaign contributions") necessary.

Its a business. We need to make that business *UN*profitable. We do that by wasting as much of their time as possible, and never, NEVER giving money, services, information, or *anything* to someone who calls us on the telephone.

Hanging up quickly is not enough. They just move on to the next number and pester someone else. In the grand scheme of things, that "next number" is often yours.

What we need to do is cost them money, by taking up their time and resources, and making them pay for their intrusion and tresspass into our homes. You want to do this without wasting your own, time, of course. Here are some ideas (summary list):

1. MAKE A GAME OF KEEPING THEM ON HOLD AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. Tell them you are very interested, but need them to hold on until you finish something. Perhaps wait for your spouse to come join you. Close a can of paint. Put some groceries in the refrigerator. Make up something convenient and believeable. Once you have a good one, stick with it - you can use it on ALL calls - they won't know. Put the telephone down, and ignore it for awhile. Come back every now and then to let them know you are almost ready.. See how long you can keep them waiting. *Its fun* knowing you a re wasting *their* time! hehehe. When you are finally bored, or they give up, just hang up. Never tell them you are jerking them off....

2. MAKE AN APPOINTMENT. They are working in your area and want to give you a free estimate? Fine. Pick an hour you *will* be home. Tuesday at 3PM? Sunday at 5AM? doesnt matter. Make it convenient *for you*. They will call you again to make sure you are home. You want them to take their time to drive to your house or apartment. When they show up, first get an identification card for security purposes. Then tell them you never buy anything from a company so poor that is has to pester people in their home with telemarketing calls to drum up business. If you're extra annoyed, let them give you the estimate first. You must be sure to tell them WHY you dont want their service, however, or they will mark you down as a succesfful telepmarketing call, and a potential future customer.

3. TELL THEM SOMEONE ELSE HANDLES THESE MATTERS. Make a loud call to the non-existent "someone else" (spouse?) supposedly in the next room. Say they are coming, put the phone down, and walk away. (I call for my wife, who I say is bathing little Suzie, but they are done and my wife will be down as soon as little Suzie is dried off. I'm not married, and there is no "little Suzie" of course....) Hang it up when you hear the loud tones from the telephone company telling you the line is dead.

4. FOR AUTOMATED SYSTEMS, FILL THE TAPE. Some of the most obnoxious calls now come from automated systems which ask for user input. If you hang up, they just move on. But if there is some input, their automated system will hang on until it reaches a time limit or runs out of storage. Turn up the TV or Radio LOUD, and put the telephone down near the speaker. That should fill their buffers.

5. KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS. This takes your time and effort, and is therefore not favored, but it can be fun. The idea is to keep asking them questions, and keep asking them to repeat what they said. Play a role: Interested, but dumb as shit? Desparately lonely and anxious to talk to *anyone* on the telephone?? Hard of hearing??? Pick your favorite and see how good an actor you can be.

6. TURNABOUT IS FAIR PLAY. Again, this takes effort on your part, and all too often the caller will hang up too quickly to really be effective. The idea is to have a prepared speech of your own to give. Have something written and prepared to read near the phone, so as soon as your realize its a telemarketer, you can begin your speech. It could be anything from your own sales pitch for high quality fishing worms, to a diatribe on your favorite political cause. The big advantage is that it gives you a chance to vent...

7. GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO HEAR. This will only work if you are quite talented, and you may need an assistant. They called you, right? While they begin their pitch, you appear to be in the middle of a heated battle with someone. Or hear a burglar. Or get shot at. Start a war. Then, hang up in such a way as to make it look like an untimely disconnect. You go about your business, but you might succeed in shaking up their little office for a while. With gossip, if nothing else, impeding more calls from several operators. If you make it convincing enough, they might even call for emergency aid. But THEY made the call, not you. Just the TV going in the background, wasn't it????? :-)

8. IF THEY GIVE YOU AN 800 NUMBER, USE IT. It costs them money to recieve calls on a "toll free line". You may have to ask for it... tell them you need to call them back. At your earliest convenience, enter it on your fax machine, or as a new dial-up connection on your pc. Set for 999 retries spaced 5 minutes apart. Even if its a local line, you can tie up their telephone for a long time. Sure they will appreciate and enjoy YOUR "courtesy calls".

The most essential thing is NEVER NEVER NEVER actually buy anything or give anything to anyone who contacts you via a telemarketing call. You one little purchase or donation will undo thousands of rejections and complaints.

DO YOU HAVE SOME OTHER IDEAS?